Monday, August 30, 2010

July 4 Weekend

Once again, Jamie and I and the Usual Suspects spent the Independence Day weekend at Eagle Lake, outside of Vicksburg. The weekend contained all of the incidents and you expect to hear of when the Usual Suspects get together: allegations of drug abuse, martial improprieties, domestic disputes, character assassination, and general social upheaval . So firstly, let's just go ahead and go straight to the quotes because I know faithful Ford Retort readers are starving for a hearty round of nourishing quotes. Chef, you may now serve them!

So if you happened to be with me, Jamie, and the Usual Suspects, you might have heard these things said:
  • "Y'all come get some pizza, but it's $7.50 a slice."
  • "Jessie loves you."
  • "We're going to the Lo Sto tonight to celebrate our anniversary."
  • "Poor Sky."
  • "Big Richard doesn't remember you calling him."
  • "%@$(57(^&$(^...keys....@(*%&(^)*&(%&....locked....%(*&%$"
  • "May we get some straws?"
  • "I'll close my eyes while you get out of the shower."
  • "You're still on probation."
  • "My, what a trailer!"
  • "What are AG jeans?"
  • "Amanda...your sunglasses!"
  • "I didn't sleep well last night...somebody kept clapping their hands and beating on the wall and clearing their throat..."
  • "I don't even want to know why y'all have that towel in the bed."
  • "We need a theme next year."
  • "Save your beads for Jordan."
  • "The grass isn't as green on the other side as you thought it was."
  • "Julie, you saved us!"
Due to an incident of unpleasantness during our time at Eagle Lake, one participant of the weekend's freedom festivities found herself extremely close to feeling the full wrath of righteous indignation. Her inappropriate display of unjustified anger regarding a common error landed her in some hot water. However, much mercy was shown to this individual, and she was merely placed on probation. I'm happy to report this participant is nearing the end of her probationary period, having fulfilled 80 of the 90 required hours of community service and proving to her significant other her ability to demonstrate a gentler spirit when the minor irritations of life surface. Congratulations!

Other highlights/notable events of the weekend include:
  • Our attempt to spice up the party barge with red, white, and blue was once a again a momentous failure and an embarrassment to hard-working Americans across the fruited plains.
  • Something happened on Sunday afternoon after we got home. Can't talk about it now. But it's quite notable.
  • Nobody lost any money at the casino (I attribute this primarily to the fact that we didn't go).
  • We had an excellent round of hot wings.
  • And last but not least, the Chaucey baby stayed with one of his babysitters and according to all reports, he entertained the local kids and had a remarkable and grand time!
Once the weekend was over, the Usual Suspects took a vote and the weekend will be marked in the history books as "successful."

1 comment:

medow said...

Just for the record...Not that you care...But NOTHING that I read made me proud...(except that you didn't go the casino)