Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Wild Eyed and Crazy

Any time Jamie says, "Michael, do you remember what you did last night," I know I'm about to hear something outrageous.

Last night, Jamie said she woke up, and I was approximately 6 inches from her face, staring at her with my eyes wide open. She said I really scared her, and she blurted out, "Michael, what's wrong?" At this point, according to Jamie, I asked her if I was bleeding on the sheets. Jamie told me that I wasn't bleeding, but I continued to voice concerns about staining the sheets with blood. After crawling around the bed and an inspection for blood by Jamie (she thought I might have had a nose bleed), I quickly settled down and went back to sleep.

I can't help but wonder what I was dreaming about. What thoughts were swirling around my subconscious? Here are my ideas:
  • I just murdered someone or was just murdered.
  • During intravenous antibiotic administration, my IV access blew.
  • Someone punched me in the nose.
  • I just assisted with delivering a baby.
  • I was swimming in the Nile River during the First Plague of Egypt.
I've did a small amount of online research concerning the meaning of blood in dreams. You probably know what the conventional wisdom suggests. Blood in dreams primarily relates to the health and vitality of our lives. Bleeding may suggest open wounds i.e. struggling relationships.

I decided I'm going to keep a dream log. Stay tuned.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Senior Adult Choir

Since the Ford Retort brought you "The Renewed Mind Is the Key" and "Jesus Is My Friend," I feel a certain obligation to post this video as well. Yes, a perfect trifecta!

July 4 Weekend

Once again, Jamie and I and the Usual Suspects spent the Independence Day weekend at Eagle Lake, outside of Vicksburg. The weekend contained all of the incidents and you expect to hear of when the Usual Suspects get together: allegations of drug abuse, martial improprieties, domestic disputes, character assassination, and general social upheaval . So firstly, let's just go ahead and go straight to the quotes because I know faithful Ford Retort readers are starving for a hearty round of nourishing quotes. Chef, you may now serve them!

So if you happened to be with me, Jamie, and the Usual Suspects, you might have heard these things said:
  • "Y'all come get some pizza, but it's $7.50 a slice."
  • "Jessie loves you."
  • "We're going to the Lo Sto tonight to celebrate our anniversary."
  • "Poor Sky."
  • "Big Richard doesn't remember you calling him."
  • "%@$(57(^&$(^...keys....@(*%&(^)*&(%&....locked....%(*&%$"
  • "May we get some straws?"
  • "I'll close my eyes while you get out of the shower."
  • "You're still on probation."
  • "My, what a trailer!"
  • "What are AG jeans?"
  • "Amanda...your sunglasses!"
  • "I didn't sleep well last night...somebody kept clapping their hands and beating on the wall and clearing their throat..."
  • "I don't even want to know why y'all have that towel in the bed."
  • "We need a theme next year."
  • "Save your beads for Jordan."
  • "The grass isn't as green on the other side as you thought it was."
  • "Julie, you saved us!"
Due to an incident of unpleasantness during our time at Eagle Lake, one participant of the weekend's freedom festivities found herself extremely close to feeling the full wrath of righteous indignation. Her inappropriate display of unjustified anger regarding a common error landed her in some hot water. However, much mercy was shown to this individual, and she was merely placed on probation. I'm happy to report this participant is nearing the end of her probationary period, having fulfilled 80 of the 90 required hours of community service and proving to her significant other her ability to demonstrate a gentler spirit when the minor irritations of life surface. Congratulations!

Other highlights/notable events of the weekend include:
  • Our attempt to spice up the party barge with red, white, and blue was once a again a momentous failure and an embarrassment to hard-working Americans across the fruited plains.
  • Something happened on Sunday afternoon after we got home. Can't talk about it now. But it's quite notable.
  • Nobody lost any money at the casino (I attribute this primarily to the fact that we didn't go).
  • We had an excellent round of hot wings.
  • And last but not least, the Chaucey baby stayed with one of his babysitters and according to all reports, he entertained the local kids and had a remarkable and grand time!
Once the weekend was over, the Usual Suspects took a vote and the weekend will be marked in the history books as "successful."

Sunday, August 29, 2010


Hello, faithful Ford Retort readers. Believe it or not, I think I'm back. But don't expect any slobbering apologies for my absence...not going to happen. As I've always said, this blog is about me and what interests me. And if I feel disinterested, not much is going to happen. So there!

For this week, I'm planning to do some catch up posts. I'll fill you in on what Jamie and I have been up to. So let's get this party started!