Monday, May 3, 2010


As I channel-surfed one quiet evening after work, Chaucer was moping around my chair, so I snatched him up and let him sit with me. He squirmed around until he got comfortable, and when he settled down, I resumed browsing through the vast wasteland, trying to find something that interested me. When I landed on a show on one of the cable news stations, two well-known talking heads were debating the merits of the recent health care reform congressional bill, which is now law of our land. I soon clicked on my way because both of the gentlemen failed to articulate the motives of the politicians and demagogues who pushed for this "reform" (I'll give you a hint: it's not to provide health insurance to those who can't afford it).

However, as I petted Chaucer, I realized a seed had been planted in my fertile mind. You know, if Joe Artist deserves free health care, doesn't the Chaucey Baby deserve it as well? Yes, if we're extending health insurance benefits to the uninsured, why not extend health insurance benefits to domesticated pets? Uh huh...and we shall call this new guessed it...ChaucerCare.

What similarities do ObamaCare recipients and ChaucerCare recipients share, you ask? Well let's review an average day in the life of the Chaucey Baby (I'll expect you to glean the similarities related to the average ObamaCare recipient). At some unannounced and random point in the morning, Chaucer will begin to whine. This signals he is ready for attention and is also ready to eat. Productive citizens of society (Jamie or myself) will have to arise early and meet the needs of the Chaucey Baby. Chaucer's day will then consist of the following: playing with his toys, piddling around the house, watching Ellen (more on that in a later post), defecating and urinating, and sleeping (his majority activity). Chaucer already receives free, climate-controlled housing and free food and water. Well, it's actually not free; it's paid for by Jamie and myself i.e. productive citizens of society. At the end of the day, Chaucer will receive fresh bedding and lay down his head, enjoying the largesse of capitalism and the benevolence of his owners.

Frankly, the Chaucey Baby only has one responsibility, and that responsibility is being a sweetie (which I will say he does very well). For him though, it requires not effort and ultimately reaps no financial remuneration. Really, the hardest decision Chaucer has to make every day is what part of a 25 square foot area he's going to poop in. Regarding meaningful contributions to society, Chaucer makes none (other than being a sweetie, of course). He provides no goods or services in any segment of our economy (I don't think being a sweetie counts). He only takes and has never given me a dime, yet Chaucer is always demanding more. Nonetheless I do contend he deserves free health care! And what if he illegally immigrated from England? Let's not even go there...

Faithful Ford Retort readers, let's stick it to Big Business and Big Insurance. Demand that the federal government not only pay for your health care, but for your pet's health care as well!

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