Thursday, December 17, 2009


Jamie and I are pleased to announce the birth of our next English bulldog, Chaucer E. Ford.

Chaucer and his four brothers and two sisters were born mid-day yesterday. All puppies and their mother are doing well. Chaucer is the nephew of the late, great Winsty baby (his mother, Maddie, is Winston's sister).

Jamie and I will be visiting Chaucer and his siblings at some point in the near future. We expect Chaucer to be in our household by mid-February.

And on a personal note, Chaucer will be known as the Chaucey baby.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Monday, December 14, 2009

Lady Gaga

Recently, I was involved in a conversation.

Although this happens a lot (the conversation part), this doesn't: during said communication, a comparison (a serious comparison) was made between this guy and Lady Gaga.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Gulf Shores

The week before Thanksgiving, Jamie and I spent some time in Gulf Shores. Jamie's goal was to shop; my goal was twofold: 1) rest 2) avoid using my brain. Overall, I would say all objectives were met. By the way, this strikes me as a good time to state the best vacation rule that anybody (i.e. me) ever devised: wherever I am is where I'm supposed to be.

While the week was enjoyable, we did have one minor snafu. After we arrived at the condo, I noticed a bill had been left for the owners detailing the replacement of the hot water heater. Great! A new hot water heater that was put in three days before our arrival would certainly ensure I was going to take a refreshingly, hot shower every day. Wrong! After discovering that the absence of hot water was due to a short in the breaker box, the owner's graciously upgraded us to another condo they owned. Of course they didn't send anybody to pack up our stuff for us, so this means we had to pack up and move (cue the guttural growls).

I tell you that story really for the sole purpose of making some commentary. This situation is a great manifestation of the personality differences between Jamie and me. You see, any time we pack up a bunch of stuff in a vehicle (vacation, for instance), my opinion is that we need to make multiple, leisurely trips to unload everything if we can't comfortably unload everything at one time (emphasis on leisurely and comfortably). Jamie on the other hand disagrees. She feels if there is any way humanly (or not humanly) possible to load up the entirety of our crap stuff on one freakin cart, regardless of how cumbersome the load may be, let's go for it (love you, hun)!

I already have a genetic predisposition to being highly suspicious of family vacations (thanks, Dad), so this experience was more than an inconvenience for me. Nonetheless, we did it. We loaded everything on one grocery cart (the carts the condo provided were grocery buggies on steroids). And I pushed that damn cart to our vehicle. I was pleasantly surprised...the contents of our cart fell completely off only a mere 32 times. As I pushed, I explained to Jamie that steering it was about like driving an 18 wheeler without power steering or pushing a wheel barrow without the wheel. But...hey! Jamie said, we only had to make one trip! Jamie really became a bit perturbed with my bad attitude when I asked the lady at the front desk where the produce section was as we passed by her. Jamie told me to go on to the vehicle, and she'd just do it herself. I obliged.

As usual, Jamie and I overcame our one snafu and had a delightful trip (just don't mention anything to her about getting shut out in the Gulf Shores Open). When we spend a lot of time together, just the two of us, I'm reminded that I'm very fortunate to have married a great gal. Love you, babes!

Friday, December 4, 2009


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Red Sweater Vest

Before I left for work yesterday morning, Jamie and I had a heated discussion concerning if I had the suave, the charm, the looks, and the chutzpah to pull off wearing a red sweater vest. Undoubtedly, my decision was a big gamble for me, but as I told Jamie, frankly...yes, I am absolutely manly enough to pull off a red sweater vest.

I told Jamie to snap a quick picture last night, so we could just let the faithful Ford Retort readers decide.

Teleprompter Malfunction

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Reverberations in 2009

I like to poke fun at Jamie, especially when she makes a verbal snafu. Not long ago, we were having an intense moment of fellowship. As we were reaching a resolution, she said, "I am so nice to you, but I feel like that kindness is never reverberated." I responded, "Jamie, it's' reciprocated, not reverberated." Well, I guess you could say it's the thought that counts.

So to be fair and equitable, I feel it is my duty to be an equal opportunity mocker. Consequently, Jamie was able to have a little fun with my ignorance the other day. Most faithful Ford Retort readers know that I'm a big fan of Christmas music (yes, I've been caught listening to Christmas music in May). Jamie and I were traveling around town this weekend, and we were listening to "The Christmas Song." I was soulfully singing along, and I got to the line in the song that says, "And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from 1 to 92." I sang that line, and with an ad lib, I changed the lyrics to, "And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from 1 to 2009."

Immediately, Jamie shot me a kooky look and laughed at me. She asked me why I said 2009, and I explained to her that I was simply "updating" the song to reflect the current year. Jamie then preceded to disclose to me that "from 1 to 92" in the song refers to ages, not years. Hmmm. When I thought about it, I certainly have to admit that it makes more sense. And I guess Jamie's interpretation also makes the song make a bit more...oh what's the word...timeless.

National Dog Show

The 2009 National Dog Show was televised on Thanksgiving day. And yes, I felt a tinge of pride when the bulldog won the non-sporting group.

Go sweeties!