Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hair Style

As Jamie and I were eating dinner one night last week, my phone rang. The phone number displayed on the caller ID was not a phone number I recognized, but I nonetheless decided to take the call. I was surprised when the lady I heard on the line was the sweet lady that cuts my hair, Marie.

I immediately became concerned because I was afraid I had forgotten an appointment. But Marie assuaged my fear; I had not forgotten anything. Marie was calling me to say that I needed to get in front of my television because there was someone I needed to see. So I hopped up and trotted to my television. Marie told me to go to the show "Criminal Minds" on CBS. She said that one of the characters on the show has the hair style that she eventually wants me to have. Hmm.

The character Marie directed my attention to was Dr. Spencer Reid. Because I've never watched "Criminal Minds," I started to do some research on Dr. Reid to see what he was like. After all, I want to know what ambiance my potential hair style may exude.

Dr. Reid is a genius with an eidetic memory who graduated high school at age 12. He holds three PhDs. Yeah...I could handle giving off the genius vibe. And I thoroughly expect to get bored one day and probably go back to school. I'm liking this so far. Dr. Reid is also a recovering drug addict. That's not high on my list. Some folks say it looks like I'm on drugs already, particularly on the mornings when I forget to put the "depoofer" in my hair. Dr. Reid strikes me as socially awkward. I work hard enough as it is to cover that up. On a probably unrelated note, Dr. Reid tends to have dark circles under his eyes. So do I.

I feel somewhat in a pinch. I had every intention of telling Marie during my next hair appointment that I'm going to place my HGP (hair growth plan) on hold for the summer. No intentions of chopping it off...just trimming it back. Then I would resume the HGP when the colder weather came back around. Now, I kind of feel bad. Is she spending every night in front of the vast wasteland of network prime time television searching for the perfect hairstyle for me?

I will say the long hair does seem to do something for the ladies. When Jamie was working this weekend, I had a late-night craving for a sweet tea. I drove down to the Wendy's in Madison and ordered one, and when I pulled up to the drive through window, I noticed several female Wendy's employees were looking at me through the window, muttering under their breath. Finally one of the girls opened the window and asked, "Are you married?" My response: "Happily. And don't forget my sweet tea."


Madison said...

Michael, I would like to request a poll by the Ford Retort. I would like to know how many male ford retort readers have ever had their barber (if they even have a consistent one) call them at random to discuss hair style. I have my hunches, but would like to see the facts.

Rusty said...


When I was in high school (25 years ago and before my hair fell out)I had a regular barber and he never called me to discuss hair style. Now that I am follically challenged, I keep my hair cut short in order to avoid the "Bozo the Clown" look. I do go to Hope at Tangles in Clinton and she knows when I come in to use the #2 guard on the sides and the #3 guard on the top. She has never called me to discuss hair style either. Probably because it would be pointless...