Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Winsty Baby


Has anybody seen a Winsty baby?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Take the Bait!



I ran across this on another blog: Houston PD set up a vehicle to bait car thieves, complete with a hidden camera. I'm stimulated!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Upheaval

Upheaval! For the next week or so, I'm expecting my life to be somewhere between organized chaos and outright bedlam. The facts as I know them:
  • Jamie got home from the beach last night. Of course, you can't have it together when you just get home from the beach.
  • I spent much of yesterday emptying our bathroom because, in mere moments, some folks from this place are coming to begin a renovation of our master bathroom. I'll be excited about this 10-14 days from now, but for the next 10-14 days, Jamie and I will be displaced from our bedroom and bathroom (I had no idea I had that much hair depoofer in our bathroom). Since our guest bedroom contains a double bed (we have a king size in our bedroom), we are opting to sleep on the floor in the extra room above our garage. Sleeping in that double bed is simply not an option...especially when viable alternatives exist such as sleeping on an ant bed or in a pool of hot turpentine or on a fresh roll of industrial sand paper.
  • This is Jamie's "long week" at work. Somebody has to take care of meek and lowly babies! And for me, some sea snail serum big-wig is showing up at the office promising to take us national, so we have to be on our best behavior. We don't do that well.
  • Quote from Jamie last night: "Although I know our bedroom and bathroom will get dirty over the course of the renovation, there's no reason our living room and kitchen have to get out of control." Faithful Ford Retort readers, I'm forecasting a bad week...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Oh What a Time!

There's an old gospel song titled, "Oh What a Time," and I can't think of a more appropriate set of words to open up this post. Whatcha think, Amanda?

Well on Friday night, an interesting...oh what's the word....amalgam...of the Usual Suspects got together. Only 66% of the group was present (I'll round it up to 75% since I was there), but although we lacked two members due to beach time and good-lookin' German women, we did not experience a paucity ("Never Seen That Word Before" toolbar, John) of notable quotations. That's right: 75% of the Usual Suspects without a doubt produced 150% of great quotes. So without further adieu...

If you were with Jamie (telephonically for about 60 seconds), the other 75% of the Usual Suspects, and myself on Friday night, you might have heard these things said:
  • "Amie, where's your foot?"
  • "Tucker just peed on my arm."
  • "Bet you can't put your toe in your mouth."
  • "Obama, Obama, Oobbammmaaaaaaaa"
  • "I wonder if you have to pass boards to get a hair license?"
  • "Let's go to Canton!"
  • "It's not pronounced 'o-dacity,' it's pronounced 'aw-dacity.'"
  • "I want to see the work they've done in your bathroom/They haven't started the renovation yet/Well I want to see a before and after...oh lookie here..."
  • "Do you know what xanthodontous means?"
  • "Amanda and I don't communicate unless we're drunk, but when we are...wavelength!"
  • "You're Dr. John, not Dr. Phil."
  • "He's definitely my favorite 'ad!"
  • "Christians read my blog."
  • "Don't bend over when you drive by that place!"
  • "That kid needs to be on stage."
  • "If the choice is between saving the environment and keeping my crack clean, my crack will win that one every time."
  • "Put that camera down!"
  • "If you won't tell, I won't tell."
  • "There's a sweet, sweet spirit in this place."
  • "Has anybody seen a Winsty baby?"
  • "I've got two letters for ya'..."
  • "I've got a feeling I'm not going to have my dinner sponsored anymore."
  • "Well he used to send me dirty messages, but now he sends them to Al the Tailor."
  • "Hey sawbones, I'm just carryin' on an old family tradition."
  • "It's still just a little too sweet."
  • "It was 4 am in Tunica, and some guy walks up and tells me I'm way too good for him."
  • "Michael, may I have my credentials back?"

Covert Message


Faithful Ford Retort readers: please indulge me as I send a covert message.

Dr. L.NLT, really? Bill's false teeth would pop out if he saw the vaudeville routine we talked about earlier! And then this? Yuck!

Reason Enough

When I post lyrics of a hymn or gospel song, it's normally an older ballad. Here's the lyrics to a beautiful new song, Reason Enough:

You have walked me through the valley
Of the shadows dark and low

And that's reason enough to believe

You have shown me endless mercy

Oh why, I'll never know

And that's reason enough to believe


So I won't wait for signs and wonders

To teach me how to trust

Cause You've already proven Lord

The depths of Your great love

You took the cross so willingly

And spilled Your precious blood

And that's reason enough to believe

Yes, that's reason enough for me


When I took Your grace for granted

I was granted even more

And that's reason enough to believe

With compassion You convinced me

I'm not hopeless anymore

And that's reason enough to believe


So I won't wait for signs and wonders

To teach me how to trust

Cause You've already proven Lord

The depths of Your great love

You took the cross so willingly

And spilled Your precious blood

And that's reason enough to believe

Yes, that's reason enough for me

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Gun Control

"...to disarm the people - that was the best
and most effectual way to enslave them."
-George Mason

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Morning Update

There's not too much happening in the Ford household these days except working, eating, and sleeping. Hopefully, we'll break out of this rut soon!
  • Last Saturday, Jamie, myself, the Usual Suspects, and several other friends ate at Bonsai to celebrate Jamie's birthday. We sang Jamie the most pitiful version of the "Happy Birthday" song I've ever heard. Now that I think back, it was really more of a solo by Amanda. But the cake was good!
  • My vehicle is in the shop for a couple of days, so Jamie and I are commuting together to work. Way too much quality time for the two of us.
  • Winston is well. He had a small coughing relapse, but we think it was due to a recent vaccination. Yesterday as we were enjoying some of our excessive quality time, Jamie blurts out, "Oh I forgot to tell you the good news: Georgia is in heat!" Uhhhh. Georgia is Winston's mother. She should deliver another round of pups rather soon. And if you haven't put two and two together by now...yes...we're thinking about getting another one.
  • Last night, Jamie and I went to a baseball game to watch my cousin Caleb. For four, five, and six year old kiddos, it was a rather impressive display of baseball ingenuity. Afterward, we grabbed a bite to eat at this place because I've just about had enough of this place.

Monday, April 20, 2009

No BS


In our house, Jamie and I have a room above our garage. Since we moved in almost a year ago, the room has been nothing but climate-controlled storage for us. We've recently made an effort though to straighten it up and put its contents in their proper places...oftentimes the garbage.

In cleaning, I did rediscover a great possession of mine. You'll see an image of it above. Jamie actually got me this picture, framed, one year for my birthday while I was at this place. It definitely made for interesting conversation in the dorm room.

So if you come over to the house to visit, make sure you poke your head in my office. You'll find it proudly displayed on the wall.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happy Birthday to Jamie

Happy birthday to Jamie, from me and the Winsty baby!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Starsky and Hutch


The above picture is in honor of my two friends, Starsky and Hutch (wink, wink).

Sunday, April 12, 2009

He Is Risen!


He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen.
Come, see where his body was lying.
-Matthew 28:6




In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Yes, I Know!

Come, ye sinners, lost and hopeless,
Jesus' blood can make you free;
For He saved the worst among you,
When He saved a wretch like me.

And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean,
And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean.

To the faint He giveth power,
Through the mountains makes a way;
Findeth water in the desert,
Turns the night to golden day.

And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean,
And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean.

In temptation He is near thee,
Holds the powers of Hell at bay;
Guides you to the path of safety,
Gives you grace for every day.

And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean,
And I know, yes, I know
Jesus’ blood can make the vilest sinner clean.

Friday, April 10, 2009

That's My King!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thursday Notes & Asides

  • For several reasons, I get really miffed when I read about these pirates attacking American sea vessels. Let me give you a very simple description of what American foreign policy needs to be: if an individual (terrorists, anarchist, pirate, etc) attacks an American on foreign soil or seas, the United States government will stop at nothing to kill the perpetrator and his family. Is that narrow minded? Absofreakinlutley!
  • Well, my friend Jason is somewhat of a mini celebrity. At least in my book. Thanks to Jason, the word "spondo" is now a part of urbandictionary.com. Check it out here.
  • A belated but nonetheless hearty congratulations goes out to Sarah Denley and Peyton Herrington. They have a new baby girl, Ann Peyton. She's precious!
  • If I tell you how I'm freaking starving, and that I've only eaten a small muffin today, don't tell me how you've only eaten half of a saltine cracker. Seriously...it's not a competition. It's about me and my needs. Get it?
  • I've recently become very paranoid about mail delivered via the USPS. I've received what seems to be a rather large amount of mail in my mailbox that's not addressed to me. Most of the time, it belongs to a nearby neighbor. Sometimes it doesn't. So I've deduced that a large amount of my mail is probably delivered to other folks. Maybe to a nearby neighbor. Maybe not. I've recently been on a crusade to get all my mail delivered to me electronically. You see...conservatives are environmentally conscious.
  • Read this post from my cousin Amy. You'll be blessed!
  • When I was in the shower this morning, I randomly looked down and saw Winston sitting at the shower door. No big deal...other than the fact that Jamie wasn't home and I thought I put Winston in his cage. I proceeded to turn the water off and said, "Winston, go to your cage." He got up and slowly left the room. Hmmm. When I finished my shower and dried off, I strolled out to the den and found Winston napping in his cage. Good Winsty baby!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hair Style


As Jamie and I were eating dinner one night last week, my phone rang. The phone number displayed on the caller ID was not a phone number I recognized, but I nonetheless decided to take the call. I was surprised when the lady I heard on the line was the sweet lady that cuts my hair, Marie.

I immediately became concerned because I was afraid I had forgotten an appointment. But Marie assuaged my fear; I had not forgotten anything. Marie was calling me to say that I needed to get in front of my television because there was someone I needed to see. So I hopped up and trotted to my television. Marie told me to go to the show "Criminal Minds" on CBS. She said that one of the characters on the show has the hair style that she eventually wants me to have. Hmm.

The character Marie directed my attention to was Dr. Spencer Reid. Because I've never watched "Criminal Minds," I started to do some research on Dr. Reid to see what he was like. After all, I want to know what ambiance my potential hair style may exude.

Dr. Reid is a genius with an eidetic memory who graduated high school at age 12. He holds three PhDs. Yeah...I could handle giving off the genius vibe. And I thoroughly expect to get bored one day and probably go back to school. I'm liking this so far. Dr. Reid is also a recovering drug addict. That's not high on my list. Some folks say it looks like I'm on drugs already, particularly on the mornings when I forget to put the "depoofer" in my hair. Dr. Reid strikes me as socially awkward. I work hard enough as it is to cover that up. On a probably unrelated note, Dr. Reid tends to have dark circles under his eyes. So do I.

I feel somewhat in a pinch. I had every intention of telling Marie during my next hair appointment that I'm going to place my HGP (hair growth plan) on hold for the summer. No intentions of chopping it off...just trimming it back. Then I would resume the HGP when the colder weather came back around. Now, I kind of feel bad. Is she spending every night in front of the vast wasteland of network prime time television searching for the perfect hairstyle for me?

I will say the long hair does seem to do something for the ladies. When Jamie was working this weekend, I had a late-night craving for a sweet tea. I drove down to the Wendy's in Madison and ordered one, and when I pulled up to the drive through window, I noticed several female Wendy's employees were looking at me through the window, muttering under their breath. Finally one of the girls opened the window and asked, "Are you married?" My response: "Happily. And don't forget my sweet tea."

Monday, April 6, 2009

Excellent Analogy

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The class had insisted that socialism worked because no one would be poor and no one would be rich...a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too. So they studied little. The second test average was a D. No one was happy! When the third test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. All failed to their great surprise and the professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder to succeed the greater the reward but when a government takes all the reward away; no one will try or succeed.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Neil


Last Saturday evening, this man and I were charged with the responsibility of significantly lowering Neil's self esteem. We did our best, within the guide rails we were given (something about not being able to say "testicle").

The occasion was a going-away banquet/roast for Mr. Tullos. He's not gone too far...just down the road to FBC Jackson. But since I got up in front of his friends and family and told them how quirky and dorky he is, I feel compelled to say a few...just a few...good things about him.

First of all, I've said it once and I'll say it again: the best thing about Neil Tullos is Amanda Tullos. I still say it's true. Neil is a hard worker - not just some guy that stays at the office a couple of minutes after five, but a dude that gives 100%. Neil is about quality and not quantity. He's a self-starter and a perpetual student of his trade. Without a doubt, Neil is a worthy minister of the Gospel. Alright my "few" is up.

A tip of the fedora to the very dorky Neil.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Winston Update

The Winsty baby is doing great. Thank you for asking.

It seems Winston's weight gain had plateaued for a time, but he is now steadily adding it on now. Jamie and I guess his gravitational pull is somewhere between 50 and 60 pounds. We expect him to still pack on another 20 to 30 pounds. Winston has also made a full recovery from his respiratory infection he had earlier in the year. On a side note, Winston still loves me more than Jamie.

We had a small problem with Winston the other day. May have been his fault, may have been our fault. Not sure. Putting blame aside, Winston somehow managed to free himself from his cage while Jamie and I were gone to eat one night. When we got home and found him wandering the house, free from fear of discipline, the carnage was a sight to behold.

Jamie and I have a small bookshelf in our living area. It's sprinkled with pictures, assorted trinkets, and books. Upon entering the house, we found several chewed up books on the floor. The first was Animal Farm by George Orwell (Stalinism always makes the Winsty mad). The second was The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (I found it odd because Winsty is a fan of Twain and Southern literature). The third was the Holy Bible (I must say Winsty's desire to consume the Word is admirable).

Of course books can be replaced. We found the real mess in the guest bedroom. Jamie had left some groceries on the bed that she intended to give to someone else. Winston ate them. We're still trying to eliminate the smell from the Mexican spices he tore open. Oh Winston...

PSA

Please stand by for a Ford Retort Public Service Announcement (and no, Cindy, it doesn't only pertain to the Usual Suspects):

After minimal contemplation, I have decided to add two new gadgets to the Ford Retort. You will find them on the left sidebar of the web page.

The first new gadget is the "Natchez Trace Passing Stats." For the pitiful few who don't know what I'm talking about, refer to this post. This stats counter will be a pseudo real-time update that reflects each and every vehicle I pass on the Trace. Singles will be frequent. Doubles will happen here and there. And I'll make sure I highlight triples and grand slams. Don't forget: if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a law abiding citizen on the Natchez Trace. C'mon folks...let's get moving.

The second new gadget is the "Never Seen That Word Before" search bar. I added this tool specifically with John in mind because he is the chief complainer about my alleged esoteric (use the search bar, John) word usage. Simply enter the word you are ignorant about and you shall go straight to dictionary.com for pronunciation, part of speech, definition, and sample sentence. Knowledge is power!

Thank you. And please stand by.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

White Socks


If anybody happens to run in to me today, you are correct if you observe that I'm wearing white socks.

You may also correctly observe that I'm wearing slacks and dress shoes.

No, I'm not that dorky. But it was the best I could do this morning. Thank you.