Monday, March 9, 2009

A Quirk By Any Other Name


Whatever name you best relate to, you know what I'm talking about. We all have them. Some are harmless; some are irritating. Some are cute; some are grotesque. And apparently, some are worthy of lists on Facebook.

Jamie tells me that the latest Facebook social virus involves listing twenty-five random facts about yourself. So in one of her latest blog posts (programming note: I do not endorse or promote the content of, Jamie takes the liberty of twisting the concept and compiling a list of twenty-five random quirks about me, Ford Retort author Michael E. Ford (in the interest of full disclosure: I am married to Jamie).

Several of the facts on the list most likely are true e.g. number two. I will not go on the record and say that a couple are true e.g. number one. Some are egregious lies e.g. number twenty. Then there's number twenty-four. If you read it quickly, you may have missed it. Let me explain.

I have a deep-seated fear of ordering a meal at restaurant and not being unable to find a seat. Seriously. It terrifies me. How terrible would it be to walk in a restaurant, order you meal at the register, only to whiz around the restaurant unsuccessfully looking for a place to sit? Really, there are very few prospects that make me sweat more than this one. And the bad thing is I start obsessing about my chances of not finding a seat out in the parking lot.

Honestly though, I don't think this has ever happened to me. So I can't really blame this fear on a previous bad experience. Even now, I tremble as I've typed. I can visualize it now: I walk in to...oh let's say Newk's...and place my order. I fill up my drink and look out over the dining area. It's packed. There's no place to sit. Everybody is pointing and laughing at me. I retreat to the corner to wait on a seat. But ten minutes later, they bring out my food. Where am I? Standing in the corner...seatless. The wandering server says, "Sir, would this happen to be your food?" I reply, "Yes it is, but I can't find a place to sit." Then the server explodes in laughter and yells out, "You fool! What type of moron can't find a seat?" And I quickly plead, "But it's not my fault! I can't make these people get up!" Suddenly, the server exclaims, " looks like you'll be eating on the FLOOR," and throws my food down... Oh the humanity...

Scared yet?

1 comment:

Rusty said...

Waaaaaaayyyyyyy too much time on your hands to think...studies have shown that people with neurotic tendencies have too much time on their hands.