Sunday, March 15, 2009

Garage Parking


I believe my favorite thing about having a house is having a garage. I do not jest. When I lived with my parents, the number of vehicles in our family exceeded the number of garage spots. So I parked outside in the driveway. When I was at this place, they didn't provide me with a garage. And when Jamie and I lived at our apartment, covered parking was not afforded to us.

Unfortunately though, I have experienced a problem with my garage. The garage door works. The garage is plenty big for two vehicles. The garage is not full of junk. Yet my lovely bride has a tendency to park on my side of the garage. To be painstakingly lucid about the problem for Jamie and faithful Ford Retort readers, I have created the above graphic to illustrate the issue at hand. While I park in the center of what is "my half" of the garage, Jamie seems to have a natural proclivity to encroach into my territory.

If you think that it's juvenile that I'm territorial about our garage, hold your tongue before you pass judgment. It's not an ego thing; I guess it's a convenience thing. You just can't imagine how irritating it is that I have to enter and exit my vehicle through the passenger-side door. Peeving! Rankling! Vexing! Among other things, doing so wrinkles my clothes (another personal peeve).

To rectify the contorted situation, I had Jamie follow me out to the driveway one evening, and I gave her a tutorial entitled, "Parking Your Vehicle Correctly: It's the Loving Thing to Do." I gave her very detailed instructions, informing her that our garage affords us the privilege of having a minimum of four feet between her vehicle and mine. This privilege allows me to take advantage of a delightful luxury of my vehicle: the driver-side door.

I choose to leave you with the graphic I've created below. Again, I want to be painstakingly lucid for Jamie and faithful Ford Retort readers. This is how it should be. This, then, is how you shall park in the garage.

1 comment:

Jamie Ford said...

Sweetheart...love of my life...master driver (NOT!)...move your humongous garbage can and I may be able to get closer to the wall :)