Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Nuisance Unplugged

Yesterday, I made a delightful discovery. This discovery inspired me to compose a brief aria:

Not far from the house of my parents,
Stands an intersection, an intersection of terror.

This intersection in the fair city of Clinton

Has been the subject of a whole lot of my bitchin'.

Two roads do cross at this place,

This location of municipal disgrace.

The first road is called the Drive of Northside.

Its counterpart, Tanglewood, completes the ride.

Prominently crowning this vehicle hub

Is a traffic light, if you direct your gaze above.
Efficiently routing vehicles is this apparatus's claim to fame,

But you only believe this if naivete is your game.

Day after day, night after night,
This traffic signal actually inhibits
traffic flight.
If you observe it: I think it may have a mind of its own,
For it interrupts the vehicles that to its space come.

So you can imagine my joy upon discovering the attrition,

Yes! I found out this light is now out of commission.

Who should I sing and praise and laud?

Who shall be the recipient of my applause?

May there be joy and dancing in the streets,
For the time has come for the destruction of this traffic beast!
Blessed are those in this corridor who now drive freely,
Blessed are the pure in heart who can now drive meekly.

Traffic lights are supposed to expedite traffic flow for all parties who use them. This damnable light did no such thing for 95% of the day. Word on the street (pun intended) is that this light has been permanently decommissioned. Good riddance!

And to whoever did it: why did it take so long?

p.s. There is a certain faithful Ford Retort reader out there who will feel very compelled to say a lot about this post. Knowing him well, I would encourage him to exercise temperance and restraint, so I don't have to flex my "moderator muscle" regarding any comment he may choose to leave.


Rusty said...

It was probably there to regulate school traffic for the recently torn down Clinton Park Elementary school. The school is no longer there so the light became obsolete. I believe the city had been discussing putting a road through the former campus of the above mentioned school and extending Lakeview Dr. over to Northside. If that happens, you may be seeing another traffic light at the resulting intersection.

Anonymous said...

After much prayer and consideration, I now leave my comments. I first want to say how proud I am of the City of Clinton and the personnel at large that had the nuisance removed from service. I secondly want to say, as a former temporary resident of that part of town, that I am thrilled that the GeruboNumbumbooo.... traffic light is gone!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!