Thursday, February 12, 2009

Differing Opinions

Faithful Ford Retort readers far and wide tell me that their favorite Ford Retort stories are always the ones that involve a marital disagreement between Jamie and me. To satisfy the voracious appetites of the masses, here are several recent vignettes.
  • Since we've had Winston, Jamie has inadvertently trained him to only obey us when we feed him. If we need him to go to his house, he expects a peperoni before he begins his merry journey to his home. Initially, I was a bit irritated with my lovely bride when I first observed this, but before I threw too many stones, I recently caught myself doing something. I was negotiating with Winston. Seriously, I was trying to bargain with him....out loud! "Winston, if you go straight to your house, I'll give you a peperoni...." Oops.
  • Jamie and I also have disagreements concerning the appropriate level of aqua in Winston's water bowl. You see, Winston has a water bowl that attaches to the door of his house. I insist that the bowl shouldn't be filled to the brim with water. Jamie feels it should be. So every time I open the door to let Winston out, water spills everywhere! In fact, any time Winston breathes, water spills everywhere! Now that I think about it, infinitesimal molecular vibrations of stationary, dense solids down the street MAKE THE WATER SPILL EVERYWHERE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
  • One night last week, Jamie and I had a small squable concerning Looney Tunes character Pepe Le Pew. I passively mentioned aloud that Pepe is French, but Jamie vehemently disagreed. She didn't say he isn't French, yet insisted that there was no way I could possibly be sure of his lineage. I explained to her that the etymology of Pepe's name clearly suggest French ancestry. She impugned my reasoning as regressive and racially insensitive. After I showed her a clip of him on YouTube, she conceded that Pepe's accent and horrid body order does suggest he is indeed French.


neiltullos said...

After 3 years of experience w/ an English Bulldog I've discovered that filling his water bowl 2/3 is the appropriate level.

Sorry Jamie, but Michael wins this argument.

In regards to training him w/ food, that has to end. Roscoe was trained w/ the "spare the rod, spoil the dog" method. Please, don't let Roscoe know that there is any such thing as obedience = food.

John and Amie said...

For my birthday present/successful completion of D1 year PRESENT from yourself and Jamie, I'm going to need a copy of whatever thesaurus this is that you so frequently entertain... once again, that's all i ask for... i don't even want dr. pauly's specialty if you know what i mean....