Monday, October 13, 2008

Genuine Thank You Note

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I haven't wrapped up writing my thank you notes from the wedding, but I haven't. Did you just hear the deep moans and groans of mothers from sea to shining sea? Rest assured, I'm working on them; they will be completed soon. Some thoughts on thank you notes:
  • Thank you notes are definitely an old school deal. I was talking with a friend, and we both agreed this is becoming a requirement of bygone days.
  • If I give you a gift, I didn't do it to add an obligation (a note of appreciation) to your to-do list. Don't bother.
  • I do think it's certainly a thoughtful gesture to write a thank you note to someone. Believe it or not, I do actually write thank you notes from time to thank folks who have helped me out.
  • The folks to whom I write thank you notes by choice are older folks.
Back to the wedding thank you notes: brides and grooms despise writing these things. They do it because their mothers make them. Bottom line. So with that in mind, I'm going to write the thank you note that every bride and groom burns to write, but never would (I only do this because you, the faithful Ford Retort reader, expect me to say the things that everybody thinks, but won't say).

Dear Sir/Madam,

Thank you so much for the bland and useless bowl that you gave us. You absolutely should not have wasted your time by purchasing this bowl, which is not on our registry. Were you aware that the bowl was not on our registry? Really, are you satisfied with yourself now that you have this thank you note? And did I mention that the bowl - bland and useless - is not our registry?

Sincerely,
Bride/Groom

Dear Sir/Madam,

The only practical application for the horrendously ugly pillow that you gave us is as a cow's chew toy. Unbelievable! I thought I had seen it all, but after this demonstration of thoughtfulness, I stand corrected. Do you understand that if this pillow remains in our household, irreparable harm will be done to our marriage? Thanks again for reminding us that no matter how bad things get, it really could get worse.

Sincerely,
Bride/Groom

Dear Sir/Madam,

WHOOOAAAA! Thank you so much for this Panini Press that you gave us. We will use it often. Considering that I really don't know you at all, I'll assume that my parents gave your son an exceptionally nice gift when he got married.

Sincerely,
Bride/Groom

Dear Sir/Madam,

Bless your heart! When I saw this lovely picture frame, there was absolutely no doubt in mind who this could have come from. This frame is quite unique...so unique that it will most likely find a home outside of our home. Might I again repeat how unusual this frame is. Know anybody who might want it?

Sincerely,
Bride/Groom


2 comments:

coollando said...

dude! i got you that panini press!!!

mjade21 said...

Thanks, I needed some more templates to finish up my thank you notes. I'll definately be using the last one concerning the picture frame.