Friday, October 3, 2008

I Was Sick!

A certain wife of mine has recently implied that I have not been sick this past week. Oh, I beg to differ! Just how sick was I? Glad you asked, faithful Ford Retort reader. At one point, as I was suffering at home on Wednesday night, I was transported in spirit to the Pearly Gates.

As I approached the Pearly Gates, I saw the saints of the ages. Our forefathers: Abraham...Issac...Jacob... David...Solomon...Jeremiah...Haggai...Zechariah...Malachi. I saw the disciples of Christ: James and John...Philip...Matthew...Bartholomew...Thadeus. And I saw the martyrs: Stephen...John on the Isle of Patmos.

As I walked towards those Pearly Gates, there stood Peter. I said, "Pete (we're on a first name basis), I am ready to die and leave this cruel world and meet King Jesus." After I finished speaking, Heaven grew silent. Peter walked to me, touched my lips, and said, "Child, your time on Earth is not yet complete. People still need the Ford Retort."

And next thing I know, I'm back in my bed and feeling a little better. Just reporting the facts...

Jamie and I ate with some friends last night, and if you were with us, you might have heard these things said:
  • "He doesn't ever eat anything."
  • "John, get up off that floor before you get pregnant."
  • "Hey, the sonic boom came today."
  • "Y'all had any water pressure problems yet?"
  • "What's Winston doing?"
  • "I would consider myself a blessed person if I never went to the Fair again."
  • "Yeah, we got our Christmas tree from the place the White House gets theirs."
  • "He doesn't know better."

No comments: