Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Customer Service

At my office, we're getting new phones this week. I am sad to report the transition has been nothing short of disastrous. By the end of the day yesterday, I was ready to throw the phone sets out on the front steps and buy ten Jitterbugs.

I'm beyond irritated. Our new phones and phone service currently leave much to be desired, but the source of my irritation stems from the poor customer service I've received. Many promises have been made but the company has consistently failed to deliver. The project manager with whom I've been dealing (let's call him Ronald) has not impressed me. Every time I speak with him, his cavalier words lead me to believe he's always thinking, "Yeah, I'll tell this guy anything to shut him up."

Yesterday, my patience ran out. Yesterday afternoon, I reached down not so deep inside, opened up, and shared my true feelings with Ronald. My comments to Ronald were never unprofessional (telling him I'm tired of taking crap from a one-eyed fat man may have been a bit much), and I never raised my voice (most likely because I'm sick and my throat hurts). Basically, I told him I was tired of calling him, reporting every small problem that we are experiencing, and then hearing his empty promises. Although Ronald told me many times he was diligently working to correct all problems, I reminded him that we were not paying for his diligent efforts, but for the end product: a functional VoIP phone system.

There's a customer service lesson to be learned here: you need to feel my pain. If it won't rang, you need to feel my pain. Ronald, I know we live in a fallen world. Because of the wiles of the Devil, our very existence is marred. We have problems. People are immoral. Our bodies decay. Phone systems don't cooperate. Ronald, I don't want to climb through the phone and tie your lips in a knot because you can't make my phones work, I want to come through the phone and make you eat your fist because you don't understand my needs.

Ronald, when I call you, I need you to make me believe that you care. When I call you with a problem, I need you to tell me that you're acutely aware that I'm losing money because of your ignorance. I want to know that my problems deeply concern you. I want to be coddled. I want you to hug me and tell me that everything will be ok. I want to hear reassuring words from you as you pat me on the back and speak of lollipops and dancing sunshines. I want you to keep me updated. It's real simple. I'm actually a pretty easy-going guy, but when you blow me off, the redneck comes out in me. Ronald...dude...feel my pain.


Anonymous said...

All customer service has gone to Hell in a hand basket. After moving to a new house, I have had nothing but problems with Comcast and Entergy both. Neither can send a correct bill and most of the customer service representatives I talk to act like the could not care any less about the company's mistakes. I FEEL YOUR PAIN !!!!!!!!

UMC said...

Ha Ha still doesn't top Miskelly's man...