Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Santa Career for Me?

I have chronicled several weighty incidents on the Ford Retort for you, the faithful reader.

There was the time I was accosted at church by a man inquiring if I'd put on any weight. Then there was the time I tried on a pair of dress pants...and they didn't fit me in the waist (I probably kept that moment private because it depressed me). And then there was the time (or times) Jamie has told me to stop sucking in my gut (I have also kept those moments private because Jamie is not funny).

Then today...the straw that broke the camel's back...the end all be all.

The button on my britches popped off. Yep, it's to trite, to predictable, for me to make this up.

I heard a pop while walking around the office, and I looked down to inspect my belt...I was afraid it had broken. Nope...it was the button on my pants.

Jamie always acts like I have a gut (she apparently forgot this man's advice from marriage counseling: a man's ego is fragile), but I still feel confident that I'm a long way off from initiating a career as Santa.

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