Monday, August 25, 2008

Jamie's Subungual Hematoma

The Ford household experienced a great trauma yesterday evening. I feel compelled to memorialize it for you, the faithful Ford Retort reader.

The big toe is a sore subject (pun intended) for my family as of late. My cousin Scotty recently sustained a broken big toe from a freak Judo accident. Corrective surgery is a possibility for him that is still to be determined.

So yesterday evening, when Jamie yelled out, "MICHAEL, COME HERE...I JUST CRUSHED MY BIG TOE," I had a distinct impression, even though I was an entire room away, that she might have sustained an injury to her big toe. My intuition, after all, is razor sharp about these things.

I hurried from my office and found Jamie crumpled on the floor. She was making guttural noises. The scene was ugly (reader discretion advised from this point on.) The vacuum cleaner was beside her and still running. She was grabbing her big toe. I saw approximately three drops of blood on the floor. I asked Jamie what had happened, expecting to hear that somebody had entered our back door and hit her big toe with a sledge hammer. She instead told me that she had somehow managed to run the vacuum on top of her big toe. I laughed to myself...quietly...very quietly.

I immediately instructed Jamie to remove her hand from her big toe so that I could inspect the damage. And after a cursory inspection, my worst fears were confirmed...a subungual hematoma. Although I have no formal medical training, I acted quickly. I went to our bathroom and gave Jamie four 200 mg ibuprofen to assuage the pain. Immediately, I used a pair of nail clippers to remove a portion of her broken nail, to relieve the pressure (yes, I did use an alcohol prep pad to sterilize the nail clippers). I then helped Jamie to the bathtub and washed her toe. I put her in the bed and elevated her toe. And on top of all that, I finished the baking process of the chocolate chip cookies Jamie had in the oven. Extra star on my husband report card!

Of course, Jamie felt my medical care was inadequate, so she called her mommy. I did take great offense, but because I'm unshakably humble, I swallowed my pride and let it go. Jamie's mother stopped by and provided a couple of band aids. After Jamie finally settled down in the bed, I placed phone calls to our family, out to about second and third cousins, making them aware of the tragedy. Several friends were also contacted. I also contacted our church prayer team and requested that an emergency email be sent out to the congregation so that STAT prayer support could begin.

This morning, Jamie does seem to be better. She did not wake me up at any point during the night complaining of pain. All I heard last night as I selflessly cared for her was, "If you touch my toe, I'm gonna' cut off..." But those threats have also subsided. I really shouldn't say much criticizing my lovely wife...I'm a TERRIBLE patient. And Jamie reminded me of this. But then she said, if she's put up with me for almost six months, I can nurse her subungual hematoma. Yep, September 15 will be the six month anniversary...


Anonymous said...

I didn't receive a phone call.... Shows where I rank....

cindy jo said...

I'm her sister and I didn't get a phone call!!!!! Not feeling the love!