Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Ford Retort PSA

The Ford Retort is pleased to provide you with the following public service announcement:

Exercising in High Traffic Areas
Wednesday, June 4, 2008

While few folks doubt the benefits of and need to exercise, exercising in high traffic areas can lead to unsolicited scorn.

Many folks decide to exercise, specifically run, in high traffic areas. An example of a high traffic area would be a well traveled road. Even though there may be advantages to exercising in high traffic areas, the negatives far outweigh the positives.

A benefit might include increased self esteem. A runner might conclude, "Hey, everybody driving by me is impressed by my momentum and emphasis on physical health. Now I really need to impress them by taking off my shirt."

A negative externality, ironically, is decreased self esteem. Once the exerciser gets in touch with reality, he or she will realize that unless you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (like this, not this), you will be the object of uproarious laughter, mockery, and scorn. The folks who drive by you are really laughing at you. No, the people honking at you are not rooting you on, they are bringing attention to your jiggly flab. Don't forget, you are only proving to everybody that exercise does not make a person skinny.

A solution to this problem would include covering up your half-naked, white, flabby body. I don't make you look at me naked (unless you're the mailman), so I have no desire to look at you naked. Seriously, put some clothes on.

This has been a Ford Retort Public Service Announcement.

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