Monday, May 12, 2008

Tis the Season to Graduate

The end of May traditionally signals the end of formal academic endeavors. Institutions of learning hold ceremonies to recognize and commend students for achievements and to celebrate education. Yet don't forget the poke in the eye that is the commencement address. In a last-ditch effort to effect the students' skulls of full of mush, the institution imposes the much-maligned commencement speaker on the candidates for graduation.

This man and myself managed the technical needs of a recent high school graduation. Following this sentence, you will find words and phrases that we heard the commencement speaker say: infidel, damned breasts of Britney Spears, atheism, liquor, cocaine, consequences, Ecclesiastes, hypocrisy and double speak, John the Revelator and the end times, liberal Hillary Clinton, choices, running with scissors, cardinal sins, snares of Lucifer, taking the path of least resistance, and unbridled courage.

Hmm. I'll give the commencement speaker an A+ for absurd entertainment, but he earned a D- for originality. Really, telling high school graduates to avoid liquor in college? It's been done.

I will admit, I fabricated a couple of the words and phrases, but trust me, you'd have a difficult time guessing which ones.

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